My new years resolution of slow & simple has really taken hold of me. At first I had to really push myself out of a busy is good, always doing frame of mind, a forced unwind & reboot of sorts. Then I let go of a few things like spending time here in this little space in favour of reading a book or an early bed time. At first it was difficult. A nagging, guilty feeling that I was meant to be doing something else, but that feeling eventually subsided and I now find myself in a place where I'm actually finding it hard to get anything done. It seems that nothing is pressing anymore, or at least that pressing feeling has all but vanished and I am left wondering if I'm now too ambivalent about the world and all it's happenings whizzing by around me. It doesn't just extend to the world outside my doorstep but my own little world with it's own dreams & projects, the knitting, this space, those new sewing patterns looking back at me still unopened, the garden, whose winter planting window I've missed again, save for the garlic. Perhaps it's the season. The earth is damp & cold now, the last of autumn's golden crowns sodden in the grass. The sky is brilliant with winter light, moonstone white or a crisp blue, both with their own kind of glare. The earth energy is heavy and slow. I think I could easily live the life of a hermit. I do miss all the doing but also love the not doing. The dog seems more than content to 'not do', apart from going for a daily walk, which I have been managing to squeeze in amidst all my slow & simple. We've been heading back into the bush. Zahra collecting platters of bush treasures while I amble along waiting for Niamh, who also is a master of slow & simple, especially when we need to get somewhere on time. The un-peeling of busy layers seems to have left me, dare I say, unmotivated to do much of anything other than the essentials to keep family life ticking along smoothly. I feel resigned, a given in kind of feeling & I don't know what to make of it. Is this a good thing or no? Perhaps it's neither, just different.
