The Art of Mothering :: Part One
Loretta
When Loretta quietly tapped on our front door a few weeks back the house was tidy and hushed with the quiet of a sleeping babe. Zahra was off elsewhere, fresh soup sat on the stove and the sun was just starting to swing around through the windows to where we would sit chatting, where we had sat numerous times, her sewing, me knitting. Loretta is a woman who carries a beaming face and positive energy everywhere she goes. An energy that always seems to motivate me out of my comfort zone. She had graciously agreed to come over and chat about her experiences of motherhood and how she finds balance through creativity in amongst her day to day family rhythms...how she mothers herself.
I met Loretta three years ago in our local park. It was zahra’s first year of school and we were playing hooky. Homeschooling had been inching further forward in my mind and on days like that, when the sun was shining and we were out in it, i knew it was probably where we’d end up.There I was sitting on the bench, knitting, while Zahra played, when Loretta approached me and asked in her half Australian half Canadian accent “watcha knitting?” This simple question got us talking about all sorts of things from why we weren’t at school, to where Loretta had come from and what she was doing here in Albury. We swapped numbers and swore we’d catch up. It wasn’t until six months later that we saw each other again, when a friend of mine introduced me to a friend of hers. That friend was Loretta. From there we started hanging out every Friday afternoon, crafting and drinking tea while the kids played. We called them our crafternoons. Since that day we’ve started homeschooling and expanded our family and Loretta has launched her own business.
“On my business card it says personal development but in my workshops I say to people that I don’t call myself a life coach because that doesn’t resonate with me. I feel that it’s my job to help people find that part of them that is spirit.” I press her about huna because she doesn’t mention it. “Oh”, she says “huna. Huna is magic, an ancient energy technique, an ancient Hawaiian shaman magic that shows people that they’re connected”. I had never experienced it until Loretta used huna to pass on good vibes for a beautiful birth at my birth blessing. It is something magical, there is no other way to describe it. Apart from running her own business Loretta considers herself a mama [to Harper], wife [to Ned], cook, cleaner, household manager, worker and crafter. I ask her how these various roles play out through her day.
“An average day is pretty busy at the moment because I’m getting my businesses going. We have a definite rhythm though that starts with Harps and the school routine. We get up, get breakfast then go. When I get home I sit down at my desk and I make a list of what I’m going to do for the day. I always start with the things that will bring me closer to my dreams, then I move on to the other stuff like admin. My house is a mess most days because I don’t do housework during work hours, I just close the door. I shut the door and I work because I think that if it’s good enough for other people to go to work and not have to do their housework, then it’s good enough for me, even if I’m here. I’d rather forget about all the domestic things that have to be done and get on with it, focus on my dreams. Then if I have time in the afternoon I’ll work on a couple of projects I’m putting together, then it’s 2:30 and time to start thinking about picking Harper up. So the days gone before I really get started. Then whatever is on after school we just get along with. Sometimes after dinner I’ll sit down and make a list of what I need to do for the following day so I can start fresh. In the evenings I like to sit down with my sewing or try and get through the pile of books that are sitting on my coffee table.”
I’m curious about how Loretta switches between work mode, mama mode and her time to create. How she follows her creative impulses when she is pulled in so many different directions. “The only element I need to be in place so I can work is my state of mind. So I’ve become good at getting myself into the right frame of mind. I usually do it before I start work everyday. I do a meditation, it takes about five minutes. I focus on what it is I want from my life. When I get really excited about what that is, it gets me into the mindset of ‘well, i’m just going to go and do whatever it is I need to do to make that happen’. That’s all I need. I also have a book, a sketch book that I scribble ideas in. But if I don’t get to an idea when it strikes, it doesn’t bother me. If the moment passes and so does the idea, i just think i’ll wait for the next one. There’s always something bubbling away.”
As I sit here writing, this space, these words, my train of thoughts are peppered by interruptions. My belly grumbling for food, Zahra outside my window singing to the wind, a waking babe, a hungry babe, a tired babe, family mealtimes, seedlings that need watering, washing that needs hanging out. Balance can sometimes be a tricky thing. Balancing the needs of your family with your own needs. Mothering others and mothering yourself. It is an art. Not only do I believe that creativity and mamahood are intrinsically linked but for many Mama’s, myself included, creativity is what balances the scales. Loretta doesn’t stop to ponder this for a second, “Motherhood and creativity are absolutely intrinsically linked” she declares, “whether it’s creativity in problem solving or creativity in how you manage your day or creativity in making something. Definitely being creative is important, because think about what you have to do every day as a mother.You have to create time, schedules, dinner. You have to be creative to get through the day. I think a lot of women get lost in their identity as a mama. When I did my first training in Sydney we were talking about guilt, and I said “ I feel a bit guilty being up here because my son was upset that I was leaving”, I felt like I was a bad mother. Someone in the group said to me “what if you being here meant that you were a better mother?” and I thought yeah, I don’t have any need to feel guilty. The same goes for taking time for myself at home. If I have that focus on myself equally as much as I do on everyone else then I’m a happier person and therefore a better mother and a better wife. My family gets that. If you’re missing out on some element of your life and it makes you miserable then that radiates out into the lives of the people you love. I think it’s your responsibility to take care of yourself creatively and it’s important for your kids to know that you’re something other than a mother. Whether it’s through career, or crafting or art, it’s an important part of your identity and you’re kids have to get that. If our kids are modelling us they’re realising that it’s ok to express themselves, that your identity isn’t just wrapped up in one thing. I’m happier when I’m creating, so I make it happen. When Harper was little and I was in the trenches, I used to stay up late. I’d wait till everyone went to bed and I‘d stay up way later than I should have. I’d just push through the tiredness. Often at the end of the week I’d be exhausted and I’d need a catch up sleep. But in ten years time I’m not gonna remember I didn’t have enough sleep. I’m just going to remember I did all these creative things, so I just did and I was happier. I think that’s when you need it the most, when you are more in demand. At what point do you have to say I just need this?
It goes back to being accountable. We all have the same amount of time, it’s just how we choose to use it. Ned and I have always lived fairly simply, so we find it easy to make time. We watch little to no television in the evenings making the most of what time we have at the end of the day. We’ll have a glass of wine, Ned will play his guitar, and I’ll pull out a project I’m working on. We make time to do it. I think it comes down to how we express ourselves and what our needs are, regardless of whether we’re a mother. We’re still all of these other things and if we don’t get to actualise them we’re unbalanced. Some people can manage like that, but I can’t, so I make it work. Sometimes it doesn’t work and sometimes I get it right. What really keeps me balanced, is sewing and making jewellery".
[one of Lou's jewellery creations]
"I’ve been a crafter since I was a kid. I started with just making stuff out of odds and ends, beads and other bits. My mum was a crafter and she always had boxes and boxes of stuff, so she would always encourage the making of things. I used to sit in my room for hours and make things. When Harper was little he used to sit with me at the craft table and make stuff, but now it’s more drawing. We’ve set up a little space where we can sit together and draw".
"Crafting has always been a natural expression of who I am. It allows me to create what’s
in my head, allows it to be brought into the material world, and I find that satisfying. Everyone’s always creating something every moment. I lived in Canada where the winters are very long and cold and you don’t go out. Quilting was a big thing there. You quilt in winter and tend your garden in summer, it's very seasonal. One day I decided to do a course at the local sewing centre. After I made my first quilt I realised how much I enjoyed it. I love fabric, the colours and the textures, I love putting it all together in a beautiful quilt. The end product is pretty special because you get to snuggle under it, it’s a part of your existence almost, isn’t it? You get to live them, it’s part of your life. And if I’m not crafting I’m always thinking about it, what's my next project”.
“Right now I’m working on a quilt for Harper. What I like about this quilt apart from the fact that they’re his favourite colours is that on the white patches I’m going to put on some of his first lines, the funny things he said when he was little. It’s a bit of a memory quilt in a way”.
My seven month old has been stirring while we chat so I peel myself away from the conversation to get her out of bed. After a feed she is happily installed on the floor, chatting and playing. We continue on about how crafting makes us feel and why it brings balance into our busy days.
“There’s a certain stillness in it that I appreciate after a busy day. As a parent your often pulled in different directions. I like the quietness, the mindfulness of doing it, the stillness I feel within. For example if I’m sewing, it’s the focus on the stitch line and the repetitive action of the needle and the rhythm and the counting that I find meditative. If I’ve had a lot of mind chatter throughout the day, as soon as I sit down and focus on something the mind chatter stop. So for me it's like a meditation. Sometimes the quilt can seem overwhelming because it never seems to end, so I’ll do something that has a quick start and finish. Sometimes you just need to see the end result straight away. Some days I just need to finish something".
"I also like to give homemade gifts. I get a lot of pleasure out of giving someone something I’ve created. Last year I made my mum and dad a quilt for their fiftieth wedding anniversary. It took me a year to handpiece it all. The day that I gave it to them was more exciting than the day I finished it. That sheer pleasure of a handmade gift is such an expression of love. Time is a non renewable resource, so when you take the time
to make something for somebody, that means a lot. You’ve used your life’s hours to make someone happy and that’s special.”
" I believe crafting is a great expression of life. I believe we’re put on this planet to express ourselves creatively in some form or another. For some of us we get to express ourselves through our craft and I think that being blessed with that ability to sew or create is pretty cool. My husband expresses himself through music, that’s his creative outlet. We all have something. As human beings we are hard wired to create. It’s undeniable. You can’t deny your urge and when it’s within you its going to find a way out sooner or later even if you think that everyone else is demanding of your time, it will find a way out.”
