the Wise Robin

grounding

my head is foggy this morning and my eyes red from crying. i lol on the bed feeling the sunshine on my bare arms. the words of Kate Inglis on sweet salty have me reeling. i'm grounded with a masive thump. i feel like I finally have some uderstanding for my sister. for what happened to her and her family years back. for what is probably still on her mind every day. i was younger then, no girls, in a different relationship, living on a farm, crushing on other boys, working, carefree. i had no understanding then or any inclination to understand. but now I feel it, in every ounce of my body, my heart aches with the thought of it. this is perspective kinda stuff. live life to the fullest kind of grounding because life is so fleeting. loved ones can be here one minute and gone the next. late nights get me like this. open me up, leave me raw. trying to pump milk and finish birthday gifts. the quilt won't be done, the bias hasn't arrived. i feel  i felt angry about that and the car taking so long and the fatigue of waking throughout the night, and homeschooling and feeling stuck. it's all shifted, vanished in an instant with the words and the tears. she came and told me she was hungry, again, as children do, something that would normally grate but now I asked what she wanted and she said popcorn and I said yes even though it's only nine in the morning and I'd normally say no on good eating principles. and today the day we finally get our car. seems silly, indulgent, selfish, inconsequential because I have them, here with me now. here to hold, stroke and be with. that makes me incredibly lucky  blessed. today I feel that in such fullness it hurts. i'm sorry for not understanding sooner, for all the callousness that i can be. go and hug a loved one because that is what matters the most. connect.

late August

 

 

There is so much pink and white, lush, lush green and sky blue outdoors these past days. The teasings of Spring have begun. Swelling buds reveal just a hint of the colour and life beneath. The vibrant yellow green of growing grass reminds us of the mowing season ahead and warm sunshine beckons us to stop and soak it all in. Beanies have been replaced with sunhats and the days are becoming noticeably longer as the sun crawls higher in the sky and our girls stay up later and later catching those few last bugs before the night's roost. The soft lingering light of twilight has replaced the hurry home heaviness of Winter evenings.

Doors and windows were thrown open these last few days and the daffodils we planted weeks ago have finally uncurled from their earthy rest. Zahra is spending more time outdoors than in, and I can hear her out in the yard singing in the season. She is a Spring girl this one, born on the first calendar day of the new season. Something she is proud of and holds dear to her heart. When people ask her when her birthday is she replies not with a date but with "the first day of Spring". This weekend she turns eight. An age where I can feel her letting go just a little from me, making more of her own way out in the world in ever so small ways. This year for her birthday I am gifting her a quilt. My first quilt. A quilt for her to wrap herself in and dream big, beautiful, dreams about her life. A quilt to remind her of how loved she is. A quilt that she may, this Mama hopes, have with her for many years to come. A quilt that this Mama has yet to finish.

There is more rain forecast later this week and I'm sure the easterlies will return giving us a final blast of cold air off the mountains just to remind us Winter is not done yet. But in these late August days we are getting out there and breathing in the slow unfurling of Spring.

Happy New season to you

Cxo 

 

where we've been

 

Try as I might I over the past month I've been unable to find the time or headspace to make my way here. Oh how I miss picture taking. It is one of those things that has waxed and waned in my life as circumstances change and right now when I have a spare minute all I want to do is sleep or have a cup of tea. That's not to say we haven't been busy in other ways. We've been watching the seasons slowly change, listening to the rain falling almost every other day, seeing bulbs poke their heads up and magnolias bloom all over town. There's the homeschooling activities and babies to cuddle, winter soups to make and knitting to go on with. There's a car still to find and my first quilt in progress. Birthdays have been celebrated and dance rehersals attended. New phones to figure out, laundry, laundry and more piles of laundry to contend with. A marble cake recipe to find (ideas, people?) and an eight year old's birthday to plan. A hermit crab called Julie that is settling in quite nicely who I must remeber not to step on and a dog that looks at me with sad eyes every evening after I've promised a walk and not quite got there. My lists of things to do grow and shrink like the tides and in amongst this I try to stay grounded, listen to my heart, follow my dreams, remember to drink water and breathe.  I look at families with more than two kids and wonder how they do it. I'm truly in awe and I'm not a disorganised person I tell you. Life is busy and frustrating at times right now, but good too, in so many ways. These moments are precious.

Cxo