A wise woman once told me that handwriting was in my bones, so I had better sharpen my pencil and get writing. She was right. For as long as I can remember I have loved the feel of fresh paper and the mark of ink or pencil across the page. When I sit in front of a screen words fall in a jolting manner or elude me completely. When I have pen and paper the words stream with ease and honesty. This needto hand write things is reflected in the number of notebooks, journals and lists I have dotted around our home, full of ideas, thoughts, tears, love, smiles...me. On last count there were nineteen notebooks and the lists, well, what can I say, I'm a list person people, always have been, always will be, I'm not even going to bother counting those.
When I started university 12 years ago computers were just becoming the tool of use for essays. And while I have evolved with technology I have also retained the need to write in the 'old fashioned way'. When struggling with the words for a uni paper I would resort to writing the two and half thousand words by hand, then type it up. Even now when the words falter I smooth out a clean sheet and write.
As my little one begins to find her own style with words, I am reminded how much a part of us, how unique everyone's handwriting is. How abstract shapes turn into letters, which turn into words, sentences, paragraphs and pages. As with most things in my life I am still feeling my way and finding my feet with writing and words. I find my spoken words often lack the meaning or depth I want to attach to them. The words come easier with a pen in my hand rather than on my feet and out of my mouth. Often I find myself not saying anything at all or bumbling. So time and time again I pick up a pen and return to my notebooks and journals.
This year I am finding Winter, with it's long nights, dark mornings and grey days, slowing me down...a lot. There is an inwardness with words, images and movement. Not wanting to venture to far, move to much, make many things. Even the writing has slowed. For me it is a time of stillness, quieting the mind and gathering energy for the unfurling that is Spring.
